IWTMOITSVWISO
by rubberduckie2013
Summary: wouldn't let me use whole title, actually called I Want to Make Out in the Shiny Volvo With its Stupid Owner! ExB having some fun one day at school, hilarious oneshot, check it out please! rated M because I'm paranoid... and some lemonade.


**A/N: Random idea I had today... hope you enjoy! Oh... and this is meant to be sarcastic and stupid and random and very OCC so just go along with it, okay? Okay. But just tell me if it's really bad or something... **

**Drum roll Please!**

**-Drummmmm rolllll-**

**:vibrating in computer chair from all the drum rolling...:**

**Okay, you can stop now please!**

**Now for the moment we've all been waiting for...**

**My brand new oneshot!**

**I Want to Make Out in the Shiny Volvo With its Stupid Owner**

**A Twilight FanFiction**

**...**

Edward Cullen was pure hottness. He was the captain of the Forks High School football team; he is nominated to be class of 2009's valedictorian; and, last, but certainly not least, he owned a shiny Volvo. I don't know why, but I had a thing with that Volvo. It was just so shiny... and Volvoish. But Edward was the real prize here. I mean, it's _Edward_. Who doesn't want an Edward? Surely not I!

So one day I was walking down the hallways in our school, and up came this person. Guess who it was?!? Edward Cullen, that's who! He's walking down the hallway in all his glory, flipping his hair out of his sparkly green eyes and winking at innocent girls. He saunters forward, and students move out of the way for him, and its almost a remake of when Moses parts the Red Sea. He walks down his aisle, moving his shoulders in time with his steps. He is just so _sexy_. For one second I swear he looks at me, staring into my soul. But then he's walking away, out of sight. All the girls, and even some guys, sigh and swoon at the sight of him. A teacher comes out into the hallway and yells something about getting to class and everyone scrambles off into the distance. I'm left alone, and since I don't feel like going to class, I head for the nearest ladies room. I find a stall and sit on the toilet, thinking of Edward and his amazing looks. He's all I'll ever want, he's all I ever dream of. I fly off into my fantasies but am soon woken by the sound of the door opening and some bubbly teenage girls walking in, gossiping, of course. They're talking first about how some girl named Suzie is going out with some guy named Kyle and how wrong that is because Kyle is apparently _way_ too good for Suzie. I guess I didn't know that, so at least I'm learning here.

But then their conversation takes a completely different route. One mentions Edward and his hottness, and the other goes right into how Edward has a new love interest, and he wants to make out with her. Which is weird, since Edward never goes for girls around here. We always assume he's getting some action from older, more experienced college girls. But I guess that's not the case today. I listen intently, trying to figure out who this girl is so I can go murder her. I hear them whispering now, as if they knew I was there. I strain towards them in the cramped stall, pressing my ear against the metal walls.

"Yeah... this is so weird, isn't it, Becky! I never knew _Edward Cullen _would want a girl around here..."

"No kidding, Lizzie! And guess what? I even know who it is! This calls for _at least _10 gossip points!"

"Gossip points! How can you even _think_ about gossip points at a time like this! This is gonna make world history! Tell me who it is!! Now!!"

"Calm down, Lizzie. Jeeshers you're freaking out on me."

"Just tell me, Becky!!"

"Well..."

"Well what??!! Get on with it!!"

"Her name is Bella Swan."

"Who the heck is Bella Swan? That's what I want to know!"

That's what I want to know too. Who _is _this mysterious Bella Swan? Wait a second... what's my name again? Bella Swan!! I'm Bella Swan! OMG Edward fricken Cullen wants to make out with _me!!!!_ This is _so_ bizarre.

Just then, the bell rings loud and clear. I hear the sound of lip gloss being applied and somebody whispers, "Lizzie, if you ever, and I mean _ever,_ mention this to anybody else, I will tell Josh Ryan that you stuff your bra."

That was followed shortly by a high-pitched squeak. "No! Please don't do that! If he finds out, he'll break up with me!"

"Just don't tell anyone."

"I won't." I heard the sound of the door opening and closing and then there was silence.

What does this mean? How can Edward Cullen possibly want me? I don't understand. He could have anyone he wants, but he chooses _me._ Well, I guess I better take the opportunity, if he really wants it. I'm not going to let this pass. I got up off the toilet and defiantly opened the stall door, flinging it away with all my might. But apparently I flung it the wrong way, and it came back and hit me smack dab in the forehead. "Ouch! Mother fuc--" I started to curse, but stopped because I'm better than cursing. Edward Cullen wants _me._ That's right, now bow down to me! Mwahahahahaha....

Ok, Bella, get a hold of yourself.

I marched out of the stall, checked my hair in the mirror, and opened the door only to come face to face with Edward Cullen. Oh dear God.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bella, is it? Yes, well, Bella... I, uh, sorry, but I was just trying to, er...um... find the men's room!! That's it, I was trying to find the men's restroom, now if you'll be so kind..." He stuttered and trailed off.

"Um, yes, Edward, it's, uh, right behind you." I pointed behind him, and he turned around and saw the door located five feet from where he was standing.

"Oh! Well, that was easy, wasn't it! Haha... haha...ha..ha." He trailed off, his voice getting weaker with every 'ha'. "Well, I'll be going then, since I have to go in there to, uh, pee... in the urinal... you know? Ok, I guess you probably do know... well.... this is embarrassing... I'm just, er, gonna go now... bye!" And with that he ran off like a chicken who lost his head. And the weird part is, he didn't even go into the bathroom. That was weird...

I paused for a second, wondering if I really should go through with my plan. I decided I should, so I walked down the hallway and out the door, not noticing or caring if anybody saw me leave early. The outside lawn of the school was clear, except for a few bushes near the parking lot. I quickly scurried across the grass, and crouched down behind one of the bushes, waiting until Edward came out of the school doors. I waited, and I waited... and waited. Finally, the bell rang and a swarm of teenagers ran out of the building, of course all making room for Edward. He walked towards his Volvo, and I decided enough was enough, so I jumped up and started to approach him. He looked surprised but excited to see me.

"Hi Edward! Nice weather today, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so... what are you up to?"

"So I heard some girls talking in the bathroom about how you liked this girl and wanted to kiss her. Is that true?" I inquired.

"Uh..."

I didn't give him time to finish. "And I have knowledge that this girl is named Bella, right?"

"Maybeee..." He squeaked out.

"And _my_ name is Bella, isn't that true?"

"Yeah..."

"_So,_ isn't it true that you like me _and_ you want to make out with me? Huh, huh? Yeah, isn't that true??" I pressured him to tell me the truth.

All of the sudden he got all defiant and angry. "Get in the car."

I decided to be sweet about it. "Backseat or front seat?"

"Backseat. Now!"

I obeyed quickly. Once I got in, I took a few seconds to run my hands over the smooth leather, relishing in the feeling, remembering how long I've waited for this moment. I looked all around the car, the car that I idolize and worship. I felt truly complete now that I sat in it.

Edward opened the other door and slid in. He closed the door behind him, and then it was very silent for a second. Then I was pressed against the door, and his lips were on mine. He pressed his whole body onto me, and I could feel every inch of him. I moaned, and opened my mouth. His tongue met mine, and together they danced. But too soon I had to breathe, so I pulled away and his lips kissed down my neck and across my collarbone. I arched my back towards him, trying to get closer, and he groaned really loud. I pulled his head up towards mine again, and kissed his lips. We danced around this routine for a while until I felt something very _hard_ pressing against my thigh. I realized what it was, and reluctantly decided it was time to stop before we got carried away. I mean, we were still in the school parking lot. I pushed him away a little and he got off me with a confused and hurt look on his gorgeous face.

"I just think we need to stop before we get carried away. I'm sorry."

He realized this, and blushed. Oh God, that was _so_ hot. "Ok then... do you need a ride somewhere?"

I nodded, so we both got out of the car and into the front seat. He turned on the car and asked me for directions.

"Um... go two blocks south, and then three blocks west." He did, and we arrived at my humble abode a few minutes later.

"Well, Edward, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked as I opened my door.

"Yeah, tomorrow, Bella. See ya."

"Bye." I got out of the car and walked up to the porch, waving as he drove away.

Oh, that Edward. He made such a perfect boyfriend, role playing in school. We'll have to do this again sometime.

**A/N: So... was it good, was it horrible, tell me what you think in a review please!!**

**And in case you didn't get that part at the end... Edward and Bella were already dating and they had the whole thing planned out, from Lizzie and Becky in the bathroom (Alice and Rosalie) to the directions to her house (he would know, he's her boyfriend!) They were just having some fun is all.**

**I hope you liked it!!**


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